Watching You
by Mistress Cassandra
Summary: Alucard loves watching his Master, and thinks. AxI.


You don't like meat.

Every night, when you finish your work, you take your shoes off and you hide them in the deepest corner of the closet. You never let me see them without your feet inside them.

Why?

Earlier this afternoon, while you were drinking tea in your office, you had pulled your right heel out off you shoe and you stroked with it your left ankle. You probably didn't even realise it. But still, you didn't take your foot of so that I could see your shoe empty.

How so?

Sometimes I feel that your shoes know that I'm watching you. And they're shy, they don't want me to see them with you inside them. Shy shoes.

One of my favorite everyday moments of yours is the one that usually follows the hiding of your shoes. When you slide your hands under your shirt and you take off your bra. Bras really get on your nerves. They're uncomfortable. You hate them. You think it's unfair that even women like you have to wear them.

Sometimes you give me the impression that you don't like being a woman very much.

You had a small chat with Walter tonight. He's the only person that can make you smile so easily. You love him, I know. And he loves you too.

You miss your dad, don't you?

When you were younger, you used to let me hug you sometimes.

When you went to bed yesterday, you were smiling and you fell asleep with that sweet smile on your face. The moonlight entering your bedroom from your window made you even prettier.

But the next morning, you weren't smiling. Your sleep didn't seem to have taken away your tiredness, you were anxious and nervous. You know, you're very often like this recently. I'd really like to know why. Is there anything frightening you? Do you have any sort of a bad feeling? Of course you cannot suspect what is going to happen every day, even I cannot do this, but do you feel somewhere deep inside you that your life is reaching the end? No, it's not even a feeling. It's something that neither of us can determine.

Do you have bad dreams?

I think you had one last week. It's really hot these days. At first you slept quietly, lying on your back. Oh, I feel so happy whenever you do this. I find it marvelous to be able to watch your every breath, to observe the soft beating of that small vein in your neck. I'll be honest, I've given myself many nights of solitary pleasure when you sleep. But then, you started shaking, and you mumbled something like "leave me alone...".  
Even in your sleep, you can sense me.

About a month ago I had a bad dream too. I was sleeping, leaning on my armchair as usual, and I was dreaming of the mansion. It was empty. I was wandering around the rooms, trying to find someone, when I saw you. You were standing, naked and extremely pale, almost white. Blood was dripping from your chest, you had a big hole there. You were looking straight into my eyes.  
I woke up from my own scream.

What are you going to eat for dinner? You don't eat enough lately. Walter and I are afraid that you'll get sick if you go on like this.

You're a good master. You're not an everyday woman. Most people are afraid of you. You hide your femininity in ugly men's suits. You don't like people touching you. You can't stand spiders. You smell of cigars, tea and Old Spice. Once a month, you lie down on your bed and you touch yourself till you come before you sleep.

You have shy shoes.

Many people want you dead.  
We'll never find out why.

Do you want me to tell you a really odd habit of yours? Whenever you have your period you stare carefully at your used tampons before throwing them away.

Do you remember some years ago, when you still liked Christmas? I can't forget the first Christmas after your father's death, when you looked at the Christmas tree and your blue eyes filled with tears. Yet, you didn't cry. I felt so bad. I wanted to take you in my arms and cuddle you like a baby, but I didn't. I couldn't.

Since then, I hate Christmas.

My throat is dry. I want something warm and sweet. Can I take a sip of your blood? No, no, that's out of the question. For now. Because I know that very soon, you will change your mind. You will.

We could go together to the theater. I know you are free next weekend. What about the Phantom of the Opera? Or we could just walk together in the garden. That would be enough for me.

It's hot these days, but now my cell suddenly feels cold.

Loneliness, I suppose.


End file.
